THE IMPORTANCE OF SPENDING TIME ALONE

“You can never feel lonely when you like the person you’re alone with.”- Wayne Dyer

I often get to hear from clients who do coaching with me, that they start spending more time alone. Very interesting, and here is why: as they start seeing themselves in a different light and love themselves more, spending more Me-time becomes pleasant and enjoyable.

Just think from this perspective: out of everyone you know in the world, the only person that is always present in your life, non-negotiable, day and night, is YOU. So if you don’t like being all by yourself, at least from time to time, you might need to work on the most important relationship you’ll ever get in life: the one with yourself.

To some people, the need to be alone could also be a personality issue, as introverted persons want to charge their batteries from the inside out and don’t always need to be surrounded by others. Meanwhile, I have met very extroverted people who suddenly didn’t need to spend so much of their time with others and started focusing more on themselves.

Now, don’t get me wrong. We all need to be included and to belong to a particular group or community. As defined by Descartes, humans are “social animals.” However, many people use others as a diverting tool that helps them run from themselves.

I’ve been there as well in the past – pleasing others so that I could feel included, or keeping the TV switched on all day long in my home, even if I wasn’t watching. In reality, I was using that noise to run from my own thoughts and emotions.

Once I decided to replace self-criticism with self-compassion, everything shifted.

Self-compassion is all about loving ourselves unconditionally – mind, body and soul:

1. Being okay with who we are and loving ourselves regardless of whether we can or cannot perform certain tasks;
2. Treating ourselves with kindness, dignity and respect;
3. Staying away from self-punishment and self-criticism. Knowing that perfection does not exist, and aiming for good enough. Accepting our flaws and mistakes as much needed opportunities for growth and part of being human;
4. Embracing the entire repertoire of human emotions, including the so-perceived “negative” ones: shame, guilt, sadness, anxiety or pain. Showing up for ourselves during the rough times, not only when life feels painted in pink.
5. Knowing that loving others starts with loving ourselves.

See, when we have a harmonic relationship with Self and we turn into our own best friends, spending time with others is not a need, but a wish and a matter of personal choice. In other words, we need to be surrounded by people, but we are not needy of their presence in our lives.

Love,

Sara

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  • Posted by Sara Fabian
  • On June 14, 2018
Tags: happiness, happy, love, relationship