This article appeared on Positively Positive.

“Life is the sum of your choices.” – Albert Camus

I spent the highest amount of my years very disempowered and lost, not knowing what I truly wanted in life. During the time I was working for a multinational company, I often used to ask my managers what to do next in my career and what future positions to apply for. At the time, I used to consider them responsible for giving me opportunities to shine and succeed in my professional life. I was stuck with the behavior to always ask for other people’s approval, using them as an instrument for self-validation, while giving my power away.

Getting to do what I was born to do in the world wasn’t easy. Like many good things in life, they came along with sufferance and pain. Three years ago I ended up with no work in a foreign country, and being unemployed was a terrible experience. In a world that generally evaluates human worth through how well we do things in life, I felt like a failure, and almost depressed.

The moment I shifted perspective on that challenging situation, everything changed. I came to realize I had all the time in the world plus enough savings to make an old dream come true: do soul work and make this world a much better place. One year later, I was getting certified as a coach.

Today I love what I do. I am looking forward to Monday mornings, knowing I am going to do something I believe in. Something that brings me genuine joy and fulfillment. My profession involves a deep listening to people’s experiences and, at the same time, asking powerful questions about their lives.

And here’s the most difficult question I could ask as a coach: What do you really want?

It is very seldom for people to be able to clearly define their dreams and know exactly what makes them truly happy and fulfilled.

If this rings the bell for you, I invite you to think from this perspective: If you don’t even know what you want, how could you ever get it?

It all starts with self-awareness and knowing who you are: having a well-defined system of personal values, being aware of your individual strengths, gifts, and talents. When you know who you are, what you want comes easy. And once you know what that is, the “how do I get there” comes even easier.

The key is to find out who you are authentically, from the inside out. That is often different from who you think you are or should be, as you were told in the society you grew up in: your family, your religion and system of belief, and your schooling system. You see, when we come to the world, we know nothing. We are all products of the societies that raised us.

Too many people spend their precious lives trying to fulfill other people’s requirements and expectations. Some do not go for their dreams because they feel afraid and guilty. They wouldn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially their dear ones.

In reality, we can’t disappoint anyone, and people disappoint themselves by the expectations they set for whom they want us to be, or what they want us to do. People with no agenda cannot get disappointed, nor they get involved in any kind of drama. They accept and love us unconditionally, as we are.

Taking charge of our destiny is power. Do not let yourself be an instrument in making someone else happy if the price you’re paying is your own happiness. Because if you do so, that is your choice and you wouldn’t have the right to blame anyone for that.

Happiness is a personal responsibility, and blaming others for our choices is unfair. We always choose how much to give and to whom.

We are the sum up of all our choices. Make sure you choose well. Your life is a precious gift, and your happiness is your birthright, nothing for you to earn or fight for. Life is to be lived, not only about existing, so why not decide to live it on your own terms, with no apologies and no regrets.

Feel free to get in touch at life@sarafabiancoaching.com  or post your comments below. I’d love to know!

And if you know other women who might benefit from this information, please share. Thank you.

With love,

Sara