Mindreading is a cognitive distortion many people are facing and especially us, women. Here’s how it looks like:
You don’t express your wants and needs clearly, expecting others to guess what you want and meet your needs. “If he loves me, he should know I like yellow roses.” As no one is a mind reader, the other person (could be your life partner but not necessarily) does not always understand what you want. As a consequence, you get disappointed. You might also shut down for communication, stop talking and let the other deal with your “silent treatment.”
The other person gets confused and asks you if everything is fine. Again, you hope they’d understand something is not okay and fix it. But here’s what you might not be aware of:
In reality, other people can’t know exactly how you feel or what you think simply because they are not you.
I confess: I used to do this in the past, especially in romantic relationships. I was expecting my partner to read my thoughts and emotions, applying “the silent treatment” whenever I was unhappy or disappointed. I used to pretend everything was all right when, in fact, it wasn’t.
Keeping a clear communication with others is essential in maintaining harmonious, healthy relationships. That’s valid in our private life and at work, as well. Don’t be afraid to express yourself. In fact, it’s very simple.
Here’s how to do that:
What I mean is…
My intention is…
You can never control what people do, say, how they act, feel or think. But for your actions or feelings, you are in charge.
No one can upset you, stress you or depress you without your conscious (and often unconscious) consent.
“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.” – Don Miguel Ruiz
Keep your communication simple, be clear and assertive, and watch your relationships flourish!
If you know other women who might benefit from this information, please share. Thank you.
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- Posted by Sara Fabian
- On June 16, 2018